If

Blurred lights flash, pulsing

The words in my head, If, If, If.

I cannot catch my breath, it’s as if

This cascade of events has rushed

Into one second, I have

Chased it, leaving my ragged

Lungs behind a step.

If I were behind a step,

I would have dallied longer

Eating ice cream in the cold,

I would have turned left when you

Suggested, I would have stopped

At some other darkened corner,

Any other wet asphalt corner.

I would have changed

Anything to not slide

There into a stunning

Array of flashing lights

And confused, broken metal,

If frayed nerves had not

Impulsively accelerated,

The twisted door

Would have been mine,

If I had been alone

I do not think the shaking

Would have stopped,

I might have drowned

In suffocating, doubtful Ifs,

A word easily falling, begging to be asked,

And yet I fear once taken

Each inconsequential, fatal choice

Cannot be remade.